Discover how giving my daughters their own rooms fostered their independence and growth, all while strengthening their sibling bond. Read about our transition process, the unexpected benefits of kids having their own room, and later in the article, explore what to do when separate rooms aren’t an option and how to foster independence while sharing a room.

The Impact of Separate Rooms on My Daughters’ Growth and Independence

For as long as I can remember, the benefits of kids having their own space escaped me. I believed my daughters, Della and Emma, would share a bedroom until at least their mid-teens. Growing up, I shared a room with my two sisters until they each went off to college. It was frustrating at times, but for the most part, this is all I knew. My sisters and I are incredibly close, and we share a bond that I don’t think will ever be broken. However, I can also think of a few siblings who had their own spaces growing up and still share a strong bond with their siblings. So, whether siblings share a room or have their own spaces, it can work.

Back to my kids. I figured they would eventually ask for their own space around age 14, and that’s when we’d go through transitioning the kids to separate rooms. It seemed like a logical plan; after all, they had always been close, and their shared space had worked well. However, as they grew, especially with the increasing importance of growing independence in children, I began to realize the dynamic between them was changing. Della, in particular, began asking for her own room much earlier than expected, which led us to reconsider our approach. At first, I brushed it off. But as I listened to her reasons and observed the small but frequent tensions between my girls, I realized that room separation was the right decision. Here’s why.

1. The Old Setup: A Perfect Solution for Young Kids

Shared Space and Simplicity

When Della and Emma were toddlers—just 3 and 2—it made sense to keep them in the same room. We had just moved to this house with the perfect Jack and Jill setup. It wasn’t just about space efficiency; having one room for sleeping and another for playing worked well for our family. It made bedtime routines easier (I stayed with them in their room every night until they fell asleep), and I only had to manage one wardrobe for both kids. However, as they grew, the idea of children’s room separation started to become more relevant as their needs and preferences began to shift.

Childhood Bonding

Sharing a room brought Della and Emma closer than ever. Even with me nearby, they spent countless nights whispering before falling asleep, creating stories, and laughing over inside jokes. I even recorded videos of their sweet voices during those quiet moments, wanting to capture the magic so I could relive it later. I still go back to those on occasion. Their shared space deepened their bond, and I cherished witnessing their closeness.

Ease of Management

From a parenting standpoint, one room meant less cleaning, fewer lost toys, and a more streamlined routine. In fact, toys barely ever made it to the bedroom. It felt like a perfect setup—until it wasn’t.

2. Why They Wanted a Change

Della’s Desire for Independence

Della has always been structured and organized. She thrives on neatness, knowing where everything belongs, and keeping her space just so. Her younger sister? Let’s just say Emma has a more “relaxed” approach. Over time, this difference became a growing source of frustration for Della.

Different Habits and Needs

Small conflicts over tidiness and organization became a regular occurrence. While they still loved each other (of course), their different personalities were beginning to clash in ways that weren’t so easy to manage. My husband and I found ourselves intervening more and more.

Growing Up and Considerations for Sibling Schedules

It became clear that my girls were growing up fast. Della and Emma are so close in age—currently 8 and 9 years old—that they follow the same schedule. They wake up at the same time to get ready for school, which could’ve made sharing a room more manageable if that had been our only consideration. But there were other factors we had to consider. For example, when Emma was still in gymnastics and had practice until 8:30 p.m., it disrupted Della, who was already in bed by 8 p.m. The noise and light from Emma’s routine would keep Della from falling asleep easily. Now that Emma is no longer in gymnastics (which you can read about here: Why I Let My Child Quit Gymnastics After 4 Years: Lessons Learned and What Every Parent Should Know), this issue isn’t as pressing, but it was one of the practical considerations at the time that contributed to our decision.

3. Why We Finally Decided to Make the Change

Respecting Their Growth

It became clear that my girls were growing faster than I had expected. The needs that had been met by a shared space were no longer serving them as well, and it was only convenient for me. Giving them separate rooms wasn’t about pushing them apart; it was about respecting their individuality. It took some time for me to grasp this, and I did not agree to move them until some good ol’ advice from a colleague with whom I shared this struggle.

Practical Benefits of Kids Having Their Own Rooms

• Fewer arguments over tidiness and organization.
• More space for each of them to store and arrange their things.
• Freedom to personalize their rooms to reflect their personalities.

4. The Transition Process

Deciding How to Divide the Rooms

We had to figure out who would get which space, making sure the process felt fair. I used to think I had it all figured out—Della would take the playroom, and Emma would get the bedroom. But after some discussion, Della ended up with the original bedroom, and Emma took the former playroom, which is actually a bit bigger. She loves it! It turned out to be a perfect fit for both of them.

Involving the Girls

We made the transition exciting by letting them choose how to arrange the furniture they already had. We have not purchased new furniture yet, but we plan to redesign each room soon. We will be getting new bedding, wall art, and storage solutions! Nonetheless, they loved having the chance to make their rooms “their own”, even if using what they already had. As we get into designing each space, I know they will be thrilled!

Funny or Memorable Moments

One of the funniest moments? The debate over certain shared items during the separation process. “That’s MY squishmallow!” “No, we BOTH got it at the hospital!!” followed by, “Ugh, no! The nurse said it was for me since I had appendicitis!” (Side note: you can read about this parenting moment here: When a Weekend Takes an Unexpected Turn: A Parent’s Guide to Trusting Instincts During a Medical Emergency). When moving day finally arrived, Della jumped right into organizing her drawers, which are now pristine and color-coordinated, of course. I mean, what more could I ask for?

5. How It’s Working Out Now

The Balance Between Independence and Bonding

Even though they have separate rooms, they still choose to sleep together on many nights. Their bond hasn’t weakened, it’s just taken on a new form. In fact, I know Emma is not ready to sleep alone in her room, though on occasion, she’s surprised me!

Della’s Organized Paradise

Her room is now her sanctuary. She loves having a space where everything is in order, and she takes so much pride in keeping it that way. Last weekend, she emptied out her desk drawers and cabinets, reorganizing every single thing she considers her own. She even cleaned all the surfaces in her room with disinfecting wipes (yikes). I had to remind her that, while I appreciate her enthusiasm, there are some products she should avoid. Still, I love how she’s taking charge of her space. She’s really able to do things her way, and it’s amazing to see her confidence grow!

Sibling Dynamics

I wish I could say that separating their rooms meant less conflict, but it hasn’t really changed. They still argue like they always have, though their time together now feels more intentional. The arguments are no longer about organization or where things go—it’s just normal sibling stuff. It seems to me that the little disagreements are just part of the dynamic, even with their own spaces.

Unexpected Benefits

• They both take more responsibility for their own spaces.
• They appreciate their personal time more.
• The new setup has encouraged creativity; Della now enjoys rearranging her decor.

6. Reflections on the Decision

Adapting as a Parent

I had to let go of my original plan and recognize that my kids were ready for this change sooner than I expected. It was a reminder that parenting is all about adapting to our children’s evolving needs.

Supporting Growth

Giving my girls their own rooms wasn’t about creating distance, it was about allowing them to grow as individuals while still nurturing their sisterly bond.

Life Lessons

• Independence and closeness aren’t mutually exclusive.
• Small changes can have a big impact on happiness and harmony.
• Listening to our kids, even when it challenges our expectations, is key.

7. The Benefits of Siblings Sharing a Room

While giving my daughters their own rooms has certainly been a positive change, I want to acknowledge that there are real benefits to siblings sharing a room—especially when separation isn’t an option or when parents prefer to keep their children together.

As I mentioned – growing up, I shared a room with my two sisters, and despite occasional frustrations, that close living arrangement helped strengthen our bond. We learned to compromise, navigate shared responsibilities, and enjoyed countless hours of bonding. To this day, my sisters and I share a bond that’s hard to break. From my own experience, I can say that sharing a room can provide an opportunity for deepening sibling relationships, fostering teamwork, and creating lasting memories.

For Della and Emma, when they shared a room, there were many moments of closeness—whispering to each other before falling asleep, making up stories, and laughing over inside jokes. These moments of connection wouldn’t have been the same if they were separated.

Additionally, for families who don’t have the space to give each child their own room, sharing a space can encourage communication and teamwork. It can help children develop the ability to negotiate, share, and find ways to respect each other’s boundaries—all essential skills for future relationships.

Of course, every family’s dynamic is different, and there are times when sharing a room just doesn’t work. But it’s important to remember that there are also meaningful benefits to this arrangement when circumstances allow for it.

Conclusion

Looking back, separating their rooms was absolutely the right choice. It gave them both the freedom and comfort they needed to thrive, without diminishing their connection as sisters.

For any parents considering this transition, my advice is simple: listen to your kids. If they’re asking for their own space, it’s probably for a reason. If you have the space available to do this and are worried about losing the closeness they’ve built, don’t be. The bond doesn’t disappear; it just evolves. They’ll still share those special moments, but in a way that fits their new space and growing independence.

As for what’s next? I’m excited to see how my girls continue to grow into their own spaces, personalities, and independence, all while staying the best of friends. I can’t wait to share more details on what we do when we start designing each space—it’s going to be such a fun journey!