Insights from Christmas 2024
The Elf Question: Navigating the Shift in Belief
Over the years, my husband and I have gone to great lengths to preserve Santa’s magic in our home. From daily reminders to ensure the elves reported back to Santa each night, to making sure Santa’s helpers were always informed of our family’s travel plans (so they knew where to find our girls any given night). This is why Christmas in 2024 really hit me hard! I’ve been reflecting on Emma and Della’s tween Christmas wish list, but before diving into that, let’s talk about…the elves! So, Della came to me with a question that took me by surprise: “Mommy, Emma said that the parents move the elves. Is that true?” Ugh, wait—what did you just say? A little heads-up would’ve been nice!
Looking back, I realized I’d made a decision a while ago not to perpetuate the whole Santa story whenever the girls started questioning it. I knew I did not want to confuse them once they began to grasp the difference between reality and fiction. But 2024? I didn’t think I’d have to put that plan into action just yet!
Navigating the Conversation: Respecting Della’s Curiosity
To say I was caught off guard is an understatement. I quickly turned the tables and asked Della what she thought about it. It was important to simply listen to her so I could meet her where she was. I didn’t want to shatter her magic, but I also didn’t want to further confuse her if she was genuinely ready for “a new perspective”. She was uncertain, and wanted to know why some of her friends’ elves did not move at night while in our home, they did. At that moment, I knew I had to tread carefully. I asked more guiding questions, trying to help her process everything: “How do you think the elves travel between our home and the North Pole each night?” and “Why do some of your friends’ elves look different than those in our home?”, also “ Why do you think the elves in our home move at night when they don’t move at all at some of your friends’ homes?”. I didn’t want to take that leap too soon, but I also wanted to respect her trust and let her reach her own conclusion.
Preserving the Magic: Balancing Truth and Belief
And then, with a thoughtful pause, she said, “It makes sense to me that the elves move at night and report to Santa!” Phew—magic preserved! I did ask Emma later why she told Della the elves weren’t real. She told me, “It just doesn’t make sense to me that a stuffed animal like my squishmallows moves at night and goes all the way to Santa in the North Pole, every night!”
And then she hit me with a real zinger: “You said you would never lie to me, so please tell me the truth.” Oh, man! As a parent, this was a huge opportunity to strengthen our bond and trust. I told her she was right, but I also reminded her to consider keeping the magic alive for others until they come to their own understanding—especially for her sister and her friends. That day, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Della, being older, fully believes in the magic of Santa’s elves, while Emma, being younger, is already trying to make sense of it: “ Is something wrong with Della? Is she too naive?”, those were a few of the thoughts going through my mind. I eventually had to remind myself that Della and Emma are unique individuals and should not be compared to each other. There is nothing wrong with Della—Emma is simply at a different stage of understanding.
A Moment of Mama Pride: Emma’s Secret Wink
Later that day, I picked up Emma from her friend’s house where she was working on a Christmas project for school. As we were leaving, her friend’s mom pointed to an elf on the shelf and said, “He’s been watching the kids.” My heart instantly started racing—I was so worried that Emma had let something slip. But then Emma looked up at me, gave me a big smile, and winked. That moment right there? Pure mama pride!
A Shift in Wishes: Embracing New Traditions and Interests
Despite the doubt concerning the elves, the girls continued their beloved tradition of writing letters to Santa, but something surprising happened for the first time since we started this ritual. Not a single toy made it onto their Christmas wish lists! Instead, Della requested a puppy (more on that later), some fluffy hair clips (I can’t be the only one who didn’t realize these were such a thing!), and new pajamas. Emma asked for lots of Squishmallows from Santa and made a special request for makeup, nail polish, and spa items from me. Now keep in mind that all of this happened just a few short weeks after they had asked me to pack up their toys. They made it clear they weren’t quite ready to part with them completely, but they wanted them out of their space. At first, it was a bit of a struggle to wrap my head around. I mean, it’s so easy to just grab a few toys from the store and fill the space under the Christmas tree without much thought. But this shift has really pushed me to be more thoughtful with my Christmas shopping, focusing on what my kids actually love and are truly interested in. This requires paying attention to them, what they say, and how they act. It’s definitely a new chapter for me, one that I’m embracing with open arms and which I am excited to navigate. It’s also made me realize how important it is to just let them explore and figure out what sparks their passion on their own.
Take Emma, for example—she’s been experimenting with different makeup looks every hour. It’s fascinating to watch her find her style! Even if the agreement is that she may not leave the house with makeup just yet. If you’re curious about how I’m navigating Emma’s newfound interest in makeup and all things spa, be sure to check out my post From Tween Obsession to Spa Business: A Parent’s Take on their Growing Independence for more insights and tips on supporting this new passion. Bonus! List of tween-friendly skincare products included!
The Contradictions of Pre-Teenhood: Balancing Growth and Change
Between their questioning of the elves and their evolving wish lists, it hit me: my little girls are transitioning into a whole new phase of life—the pre-teen years! This stage is fascinating yet delicate, full of contradictions.
They still believe in Santa but question the elves.
They want their toys packed away but aren’t ready to fully let go or donate them.
They’re asking for beauty and spa products but still shower me with cuddles at night as they cannot sleep alone in their rooms.
It’s a whirlwind of emotions and growth, and honestly, I’m learning as I go. I’m cherishing every moment, savoring these small transitions that make life so beautiful.
So I wonder, is this a transitional week, month, or even years into tweendom? It’s hard to say, but one thing I know for sure is that I’m making the best of every single moment. Here are a few pictures of our mischievous elves and three ordinary, yet powerful lessons I’ve learned so far during this transition.
Insights from Christmas – 3 Essential Lessons for Parents
1. Listening is Everything
I’ve heard countless times how important listening is, but it wasn’t until recently that I truly understood its significance. Too often, I’d find myself thinking about what I was going to say next instead of being fully present when my girls wanted to talk. Worse, I’d ask them about their day and, as soon as they began to answer, I’d interrupt with my own follow-up question.
It’s so important to put down the devices, and just listen. If they’re not sharing exactly what you wanted to know, take a step back and decide if it’s truly critical. Sometimes, it’s enough to simply be there for them. Taking the time to truly listen to why Della might be questioning the elf on the shelf was essential. Offering new perspectives too soon could have shattered her belief, but if I kept pushing the magic when she needed a dose of reality, I’d only leave her more confused.
2. Comparing May Diminish your Tweens’ Self-Worth
I used to make what I thought were innocent comments, like praising Della for excelling in school or calling Emma the social butterfly. But I soon realized that these comparisons can unintentionally hurt my kids and diminish their self-worth by making them feel inadequate. After all, who wants to constantly hear that someone else is better at something? It’s possible to praise Della for her hard work in school without diminishing Emma’s strengths, and to celebrate Emma’s warmth and humor without implying that Della is lacking.
Every child is unique and worthy of praise for who they are, without comparison. If Della, being older, still believes in the magic of Santa’s elves while Emma doesn’t, that’s perfectly fine. The challenge, though, is keeping Emma from spilling the beans until Della comes to her own understanding.
3. Giving Them Space to Grow is Crucial
When my kids were younger, I loved picking their activities for them. After all, I thought it was my job to guide them, right? But as time went on, I realized that the goal isn’t just to expose them to activities I enjoy—it’s to give them space to choose what makes them happy. I spent years investing in gymnastics for Emma, only to watch her eventually decide to quit. You can read about it in my post Why I Let My Child Quit Gymnastics After 4 Years: Lessons Learned and What Every Parent Should Know. I won’t lie, it crushed me. But it wasn’t about me; it was about her. I had to face the reality that I hadn’t been listening closely enough to her feelings along the way. Now, she’s found a new passion in tennis, and even randomly decided to sing at a school talent show and it’s wonderful to see her thriving, even if it wasn’t the path I imagined. Read about it here: My Tween Joined the Talent Show with Zero Vocal Training… and I Couldn’t Even Watch! How to Survive Parenting When Your Kid Jumps In Headfirst! . Sometimes, they need room to grow and explore on their own terms. If they choose no toys for Christmas, I roll with it and move forward—less clutter for me, after all! Gotta keep looking on the bright side.
Honoring Their Journey: Listening, Guiding, and Letting Go
(but not too much!)
So, listen to our little humans with intention, praise them for their individual strengths, guide them gently when needed, and remember that their journey is theirs—not yours. It’s about giving them the space to figure out who they are and what makes them happy. We’re not always going to have it all figured out for them, and that’s okay.