In today’s world, many people I meet claim that kids and teens don’t know how to socialize, and it’s a valid concern. The pandemic left its mark on social development, with lockdowns and isolation disrupting face-to-face interaction. While I can’t speak for everyone, in our circle, we’ve made it a point to foster social skills and life lessons by hosting frequent gatherings. It’s not just about having fun, it’s about teaching my tweens valuable life skills they’ll carry with them as they grow.
Teaching Etiquette and Respect Through Formal Dinners
One of the most significant ways we teach life skills is through hosting formal dinners. My tweens, Della and Emma, enjoy setting the table and learning the nuances of table manners, which can often feel like a lost art in today’s fast-paced world. They love making sure the plates and silverware are set just right. These moments offer a hands-on opportunity for them to learn about the importance of respect and how to engage with guests politely. Formal dinners aren’t just about the food; they’re about creating an atmosphere of respect, care, and attention to detail.
In addition to the table settings, my tweens also learn how to practice kindness in the form of polite conversation. We go over the basics of good manners such as how to introduce people, how to engage in a discussion, and how to respect others’ viewpoints. We talk about what it means to listen attentively, to wait your turn to speak, and to offer compliments when appropriate. These social skills, though simple, are invaluable and set the stage for more complex interactions as they grow.
We also take the time to discuss kindness and hospitality, especially when enforcing rules like no jumping on beds or being too loud (unless we are hosting a karaoke night, of course!). By practicing these behaviors at home, they start to understand how to create a warm and welcoming environment, which is a skill that will serve them for years to come. These skills translate not only to family life but to social gatherings with friends and even professional settings when they’re older.
The Importance of Hospitality and Flexibility
Not every gathering we host is formal. Sometimes we’re still cooking when guests arrive, which gives my tweens a chance to see how to multitask—balancing hospitality with meal prep. Hosting teaches them that things don’t always go as planned, but it’s about making people feel comfortable, not striving for perfection. These experiences also teach flexibility, and my tweens are quick to pick up on how small gestures can elevate a guest’s experience, like offering a drink or arranging seating.
For example, during a recent movie night, they made sure the living room was extra cozy by arranging blankets and pillows for our guests. What stood out to me was their thoughtfulness in asking for permission before making any adjustments, showing that they understand hospitality comes with boundaries. It’s an important lesson that being gracious isn’t about doing everything perfectly; it’s about creating an atmosphere where others feel cared for and respected.
Additionally, we talk about the importance of teamwork. Hosting involves a lot of moving parts—preparing food, setting up entertainment, and making sure everyone feels included. My tweens have learned to collaborate, whether they’re helping set the table, preparing snacks, or even serving guests. It’s a reminder that hospitality doesn’t fall on one person’s shoulders; it’s a shared responsibility that helps everyone bond.
Building Confidence and Communication Skills
One of the most rewarding outcomes of hosting frequent gatherings is watching my tweens build confidence. Della, in particular, has transformed from being a shy observer to a confident conversationalist. She’s now able to engage in easy conversation with guests, asking questions and showing genuine interest in their responses. These interactions not only boost her social skills but also help her develop the confidence to speak in various settings—a skill that will undoubtedly serve her throughout her life.
As a reserved child in new settings myself, I understand the challenges of stepping out of one’s comfort zone in social settings. That’s why I encourage my tweens to push their boundaries, even if it means starting with small conversations. I’ve noticed how much they’ve grown just by talking with guests at our gatherings, which has helped them gain a sense of ease when meeting new people. By practicing these skills in a comfortable, familiar environment, they’re better prepared for situations that may arise in school, extracurricular activities, or later on in their careers.
The Power of Being a Good Listener
An important, often overlooked, aspect of communication is listening. At our gatherings, we emphasize the importance of truly listening to others. Della and Emma have learned that asking follow-up questions, offering thoughtful responses, and showing interest in someone else’s perspective are key components of engaging conversations. They’ve also learned the art of waiting their turn, which is especially important in a group setting. Whether it’s at the dinner table or during a casual movie night, these active listening skills have helped them improve their social interactions.
Learning how to listen attentively and engage with empathy is a skill that transcends social gatherings. It will benefit my tweens not just in making friends, but also in their academic life, relationships, and future workplaces.
Tips for Teaching Tweens How to Be a Good Host
If you’re looking to help your tweens develop hosting skills and social confidence, here are a few tips that have worked for us:
- Give them responsibilities – Allow them to set the table, serve snacks, or greet guests, making them feel involved.
- Practice polite conversation – Encourage them to ask guests questions and show interest in their answers.
- Set expectations ahead of time – Remind them of house rules, boundaries, and the importance of kindness.
- Encourage small gestures – Something as simple as offering a drink or arranging seating can make a guest feel special.
- Lead by example – Kids naturally mimic behavior, so demonstrate good hosting habits yourself.
- Praise their efforts – Acknowledge when they do well to encourage them to continue developing their hosting abilities.
The Lasting Impact of Hosting on My Tweens
By hosting frequent gatherings, I’m providing my tweens with real-world experiences that shape their social skills and responsibility. Whether they’re setting the table, stirring the pot, or greeting guests at the door, each gathering helps them develop the essential skills of kindness, generosity, and respect. These are the types of life skills that can’t be taught in a textbook; they’re learned through doing, through engaging with others, and through being part of a community.
As the years pass, I know these gatherings will play a pivotal role in helping them navigate friendships, relationships, and professional settings. The lessons they’re learning today are building a foundation for tomorrow, ensuring they understand the value of making others feel welcome and fostering meaningful connections.
The Post-COVID Socialization Struggle
In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, many children and teens missed out on the vital face-to-face interactions that help develop social confidence. While my tweens were too young to fully experience the isolation, I know many older kids and teens faced significant challenges in socializing. That’s why I make it a point to invite friends over regularly and create opportunities for them to interact. It’s an effort to combat the lingering effects of isolation and social distancing, ensuring that my children develop the communication skills and confidence they need to thrive in an interconnected world. Of course, that is also just who I am, I love hosting and interacting with friends.
As more children and families move past the pandemic, the ability to reconnect and strengthen social bonds is more important than ever. Hosting gatherings is just one way to help bridge the gap and ensure that our kids develop the confidence they need to thrive in a social world.
Conclusion: Socializing Beyond the Pandemic
So yes, we often hear that kids today don’t know how to socialize, but I believe the key is providing regular opportunities to practice. Hosting gatherings at home isn’t just about fun; it’s about teaching my tweens essential life skills they’ll use in the real world. So, I will continue hosting and creating opportunities for my kids to practice these skills; building a foundation for their future success.
Do you host gatherings to teach your kids important life skills? What lessons have your kids learned from these experiences? Share your thoughts in the comments below!